It's back and I hate it!

I know that blogs are suppose to be full of happy and funny times. About your kids and what they do that make you laugh. All positive, especially near the holidays, but thats not all true in the life of Katie here. I figured that maybe if I write about it, maybe it will help me get through it. This ugly thing called Post Partumn. I thought I was scott free of it because it was past the time I had it with Layne. I was wrong.
For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about... You should throw your hands in the air and thank God he skipped you! Here are my experiences with this ugly monster, and maybe it will help at least ONE mom out there that is struggling with this. I HATE dealing with it by myself, so if I can help ONE, I have done my part!
After I had Layne (my 2 1/2 year old) I had no idea what was going to hit me. I breastfed him until he was 4 months. He was an early bloomer for teeth. Once he decided that my nipples were teething rings, I was done with that. About a week later, my mind went out on me. It was going 100 miles a minute. Very scary thing, if you have never experienced that! I was taking a shower to get ready for work and couldn't even handle that! I hurry and got ready hoping that when I got to work, my mind would slow down and I could focus on other things. When I got there, I broke down. I had to sit in the Assistant principals office for the morning, uncontrollably crying, not understanding what was wrong with me. I called my doctor and she knew right away what was wrong. She put in a prescription for Lexapro (antidepressant) to help me out. If you know me well enough, I HATE drugs! It takes a lot for me to even take cold meds when I am sick! But at the time of desperation, I figured anything that would help, I am up for. Of course, this is not something that takes effect right away. So my awesome principal told me to take the day off. Of course I couldn't be alone. It was too scary. So I called Steve and he came to my rescue. We went to see a funny movie (Role Models) and my mind and I calmed down. Very scary moment in my life. Now, for those of you that are like me and hate drugs. I stopped after a week of the Lexapro. Course it takes a couple weeks to take into effect, but I didn't want it in my system. I figured if God gave this to me, He knew I could "kick" it by myself. So what I did instead was go to counseling, ran every night (which was the best) and did lots and lots of Yoga. A combination of these did wonders, plus I got into great shape! Everytime I wanted to cry or had bad thoughts, I ran to the tredmill. Someone once told me that this girl had bad depression and ran lots. It finally got rid of it without medicine! I was all for that. Mine was gone after a couple months of my own "medicine" and I was my happy little self again.
Then came Laelynn. My little angel. Though I love her more than anything, this weekend I couldn't stand her. Couldn't hold her, couldn't hear her cry. It all made me feel like the WORST person alive! YOU MADE HER and YOU can't handle her? What's wrong with you? Then it all came flooding back. Like a dam had opened up and the flashbacks came popping up again. PPD reared its ugly head again. I knew it was coming, I just didn't want to believe it. Now , thank God, I have never gotten to the point where I wanted to hurt her, but I got VERY frustrated with her.
I woke up that morning with an anxiety attack. I then knew it was gonna be "that" kind of day. Couldn't bring any of the muscles in my mouth to smile or be happy what so ever. Scared the hell out of me. I knew I had to attack this in the butt before it got too bad. I hadn't told Steve yet, because he has been sick and I knew he didn't have the patience to deal with it right now. So I tried to keep it on the downlow. Bad idea, ALWAYS TELL THEM! At nap time, he left to go help my dad. Laelynn decided she wanted to test me and didn't take a nap AT ALL! He came into the room with me almost yelling at her to go to sleep. I handed her off and went and cried in the shower for about 45 minutes. All I kept thinking was what a horrible mother and who couldn't handle their own child!
Steve, feeling pretty shitty, didn't know what to do. Before she was born, I wrote him a nice long letter telling him what goes on through my head and about 100 things that would make me happy. You'd think he'd pull those out! I finally calmed myself down. I had a baby shower to get ready for (0r so I thought) and I wanted to bring Laelynn. My mind kept telling me it wasn't a good idea. I wasn't ready to be with her alone yet. But I was trying to keep strong for Steve and I told him I was fine. God works in crazy ways, because as Laelynn and I were pulling out of the driveway. I called Steve to have him check the invite one more time. It wasn't until the NEXT day! I felt a sigh of relief. I knew I shouldn't be taking her anywhere. So I brought her back in and went to Target to just "get out." I know what I need to do, run and some yoga. But I am still in the "slump" and can get myself to do it. I will before it gets too bad. You know what really makes me mad though! Even though most of you don't want to let anyone know what is going on with you, in the back of you mind, you just want your friends to see there is something wrong. But do they? Nope... and I am always there for them. I guess in the tough times, you really find out who your real friends are huH!? (Sorry there I go again!) As I am trying not to cry through the day, I keep thinking "This too will pass." Kind of like diarrhea.
This too will pass.

If you are one that is going through this horrible time and are keeping it too yourself! DON'T! Here are some great websites to get help! Call your doctor!

http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/depressionpregnancy/DPR_how.html
http://www.compleatmother.com/articles2/postpartumdepression.htm
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1653
http://www.yogasolara.com/yoga-alleviates-postpartum-depression-492/


Remember...
This too will pass!
(thats my daily moto!)

I need some help!!!

Ok, so I have had ENOUGH! Even experienced moms forget how to fix these types of problems! Like me :) So I need your help. Here is my problem;
Laelynn is almost 5 months old now and had some bad acid reflux a couple months ago. So to solve THIS problem we had her sleep in her swing chair. This detaches from the actual swing, so we put it in her crib with her in it. We also would (and still do) swaddle her because her rapid arm movements are so strong she will probably wake up with a black eye. I would rather not have everyone wonder "Why does a tiny infant have a black eye?" SO, she has been sleeping in this for a while. She also sleeps in her swing at daycare too. So all around she gets to sleep sitting up. Rarely, does she sleep lying down in fear that I don't get my 8 hours of sleep... Well, that kicked me right in the @ss!
She has not slept more than 3 hours in a row for the past week. I DO NOT have a newborn! She does not need to eat every 3 hours... She just wakes up crying! We have even started her on soilds, rice cereal, oatmeal, peas, etc. So I figured she would sleep longer because her tummy is full! NOPE, she is sleeping less. Maybe she loves the food so much she wants to be fed all the time, I dunno. I am stuck.
She had her 4 month appointment last week (a couple weeks late) and doc said that we should just "rip the bandaid off." Which means; take away the chair and swaddle all at once. WHAT? Crazy lady... Anywho, I need some advice on how to solve this problem. How do we get her to sleep through the whole night, or if she is going to get up b/c she is hungry, just ONCE!! Any advice would be WONDERFUL!
Thanks,
So Sleepy Mommy :)

Its been too long!

Well,
Just would like to start off with saying sorry I haven't posting in a while... well LONG TIME. It has been such a whirlwind since Laelynn was born. Between the diaper changing, feeding, walking, kissing chubby cheeks, trying to protect Lulu (her nickname) from becoming a pancake and potty training... this was the LAST thing on my mind! BUT Lulu is sleeping from 8- anywhere between 3,4 or 5 and Layne is ALMOST potty trained! So things are great! I would like to share with you just a couple of stories... When they happened I thought to myself.. "Man, I want to write this on my blog!" (For real, I did!) But never got to it, so here goes...


Story number one:

Layne is going through his "terrible twos" stage just as Lulu decided to come along. I believe that even might have pushed... wait, no SHOVED, it along. So one morning, the best husband in the world decided he was going to let me sleep in, after waking up at 2, 4 and 6. He got up with our little buddy to eat breakfast while mommy got to catch a couple more zzz's. Daddy and Layne were sitting at the table eating "cereals" when Layne kicked him. Steve thought well, thats just part of his "stage" so ignore it. UNTIL... Layne tells him "I kick your ass." WHAT??? YOU ARE TWO! Who knows where he learned that because, for one thing, I do not go around telling Steve "I kick your ass!" And when he is a daycare, I am pretty sure our daycare lady does not tell the kids she will kick their ass if they don't behave. So, moral of the story, don't let your child what South Park. No just kidding :
)


Story number two:

Layne has said some OUT THERE things to us, but I thought this was pretty "Blog worthy." We have been working on potty training for a good 2 month now. Slowly, but surely, we are finally getting the hang of things. We don't want to push him because people tell us that he is still pretty young. BUT come on.. diapers are expensive... especially for when we have one already that craps every 3 hours! He has been doing very good! He just started to poop in the potty (which is HUGE for all those parents that go through it!). We give him a sucker every time he does go #2 on the potty, so he likes to try... a lot. Yesterday he went at daycare, got a sucker. Came home and went with Steve, got a sucker. Ran around with a massive sugar rush. Decided he wanted to keep it going and told me he needed to poop again. For real? Well, I took him in there and... not joking... he pooped for 10 minutes. When I asked him where he got all of this poop he answered... "At Hy-vee." Nice.. I must have missed that aisle.

Story number 3

Now we have one of the most enjoyable additions to our family. Laelynn is such a great baby. She is always happy, sleeps a hell of a lot more than Layne did at her age and makes us so happy and complete.
Just a week ago, we got another addition...two additions! But these additions decide to eat Riley's food, poop in our pantry and make my anxiety level sky high. Yes, these are mice. There are...no were... two. The first one we found was kicked by me. I was making breakfast with Layne and I kicked something, thinking it was just a silly toy of Riley's. Um, no. It was a gross, large, disgusting mouse. After I kicked it, Ry ran past me and tried to chase it. All I see is this blur of gray running under the oven, out and under the fridge. If Lulu wasn't sleeping, there would have been A LOT of screaming. But Steve, on the other hand, was MAJORLY hungover from the night before and did not like me coming in to tell him there was a mouse in the house. Let me set the scene for you. Steve struggles to get out of bed... Come to find me and Layne ontop of the kitchen table. Broom in hand (not that I would use it, I would be busy screaming) I guarded the door so the mouse wouldn't get out. It took us 3 hours to catch this flipping mouse. It finally got caught on the sticky trap we set. Thinking we finally got him, no more mice. Tonight, I find mouse poo on the couch. There goes another one zooming from underneath the couch. I can't help but thing, he sat there and watched tv with us all night. Or he was there while we played with the kids tonight! How do I know he was there, only the 2 HUGE piles of Ryry's food underneath the couch! Gross! I am so over these mice! As we speak, he is now inside our "Island." We have finagled sticky traps underneath his hole, so I hope he is caught when I wake up at 4 to feed. If not, I am moving.

Leave with 3, come back with 4!

Well I think it is time to announce the arrival of the next Miss America... wait, no... Lets not tell her about that yet :) Laelynn Vivian Kenealy was born Tuesday July 20th at 8:46 pm. She was 7lbs 2oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. Her toes make up about 5 inches of the total count :) She is perfect in every way (at least we think so). Here is her birth story, and I promise to leave out the totally gruesome parts :).
As I headed to my 38 week appointment I thought to myself... "I should ACTUALLY be heading to my one week old's doctors appointment, NOT my doctors appointment!" Exactly a week before, doc told me that I would be having this little bundle of joy within 24 hours. She told us to go home, eat dinner and take a long walk. Then when the contractions were "uncomfortable" to come in to the hospital. They would already be notified that I would be coming. Well, for those who know me...I can "make" those contractions "uncomfortable" in my head. So off we went to the hospital around 9 pm. After no improvement the nurses told me to take a "brisk" walk around the Labor and Delivery floor for an hour to see if that will move things along. Not going to lie, that was one of the most fun hours with my husband I have had. To make things fun, he decided to download the Rocky song to play as we started off on our walk. If only laughing made me progress, I would have had that baby on the floor with all of Dodge Street egging me on. He then decided to find some mind games to play well we walked our marathon. We had a blast... only to find out that she wasn't having it and wasn't going to come out that night. As we stumbled down the walk of shame past the ER nurses we were a little sad. SO, now a week later I was a bit bitter.
I sat in the waiting room thinking of what I was going to say to doc to make her feel bad enough for me and she would just induce me. All I could come up with was... "That is the longest 24 hours of my life!" After I said that she laughed... and said if you are anything above 4 cm dilated I will break your water. DEAL!!! "Don't be afraid to exaggerate," I told her... :) Well, turned out I was a 5 so off I went to get our suitcase, make phone calls and prepare.
Turns out when we arrived at the hospital, she was coming whether we wanted her to or not because I was at 6 cm the first time they checked me! HERE WE GO! Now, I do want to say... To all you nurses out there... A labor and delivery nurse pretty much makes or breaks the experience of birth. With Layne, we had the BEST nurse (of course I don't remember her name)! She was so nice and personable... we loved it! This time, she said maybe 15 words to us. Steve and I looked at each other and thought crap... Well, turnover time was at 7 so in the next 3 hours maybe she will loosen up. The doctor came in and broke my water at 4:45 and got the epidural at 6ish. It is the weirdest feeling looking at your legs and feeling just a big blob of dead weight. But thats ok (Or at least I thought). When the contractions got bad, I had the pocket of pain in my lower right side. I could feel EVERY FLIPPING 100% CONTRACTION. Hands down the worse pain I have ever been in. Though, when it was time to push. I didn't feel a thing. SO, good and bad came with that. I pushed through 3 contractions and there she was, my little angel from heaven 4 hours later. She had her own time schedule, I guess I better get use to that!

Heres to the terrible Twos!

Just so you know, I LOVE target! One of my favorite places to go.. except for today Well here has been our day in a nutshell....
9:35~ We go over to Nana and Papas (my mom and dads) to say Happy Birthday and call my grandma.. Layne is a good boy.. You can tell he feels a lot better since he has been fighting a cold for the past week or so.. So I say, let go to Target to kill some time before nap..
10:15~ We are heading to Target
10:30~ We get out of the car at Target and he INSISTS on walking in the parking lot. Fine, just hold my hand. Oh no.. He wants to run around as a moving target for cars. I run and catch him. (Just envision a 9 month prego lady running to catch a 2 year old... ouch)
10:35~ We get inside finally after a half marathon outside and he doesn't want to sit INSIDE the cart. He demands to push the cart after a screaming fit. FINE, as long as he is holding it. I do remember saying "Do we need to go home?" and of course he answers "YES!" Shouldn't have asked that stupid question.
10:40~ He is off and on the cart the whole time.. and when I try to bribe him with Buzz toys if he sits in the cart, he says no. WTF? Since when doesn't he want a Buzzz toy? Whatever
10:45~ We get to the baby section, get a gift card and two potty seats. (One for my moms house, she wanted one too). Still won't sit in the cart..
10:50~ We swing by the nail polish just to see the new colors... Oh no, I saw a blur of colors because he decided to take off again..So after running the second time today, I decided he has ruined my experience at Target and its time to go home.
10:55~ We check out as I am holding him and people are thinking, WHAT IS THIS PREGO LADY doing with this two year old?
11:00~ We get to the car after a NICE walk to the car and he turns on FREAK OUT mode again. He wants to sit on a big boy seat and not in his car seat.. REALLY? I have had enough. I am on one side of the door and he sneaks to the other side about to open it. I have never moved so fast (30 lbs over weight) grabbed him and oh so nicely put him in his seat. I don't normally say he is a naughty boy to him, but boy or boy was that word coming out a lot in those 3 minutes.
11:00-11:20~ He cried the whole way home.. He tried to take off his sandles and they got stuck on his knee... Don't ask.. as we got home.. he thought it would be funny to take another couple running laps around the car.. and with all the workers around I didn't want him running into the street.. Awesome.. I may have this baby today I thought to myself..
11:30-12 Ate lunch with the bribe of a buzz candy
12:15~ As I am cleaning up, I bought a new bottle cleaner and gave it to him to play with and keep busy. Well, he brought it to me and it was soaked. "How is this wet?" I asked.. I already knew the answer... He had oh so graciously dipped it into the toilet.. there was a trail of potty water the whole way out of the bathroom..

I need a nap.

Just the beginning...

I wanted to start this blog to keep everyone updated on our journeys! Stay tune for lots to come!